Chapter 1

A Clear Sense of Identity

Glen had been pastor at Grace Church for approximately a year when the "honeymoon period" ended. Some of the "old guard" members on the board began to resist his new initiatives. False accusations began surfacing from the rumor mill.

Glen was not surprised, nor was he swayed by the turn of events. He knew God had called him to Grace Church. Without defending himself, he kept clarifying his vision in his preaching and in one-to-one lunches with key leaders. He stood firm in his convictions, remained friendly to all, and prayed.

As the weeks unfolded more of the story, it became apparent that his resistance from the board was traceable to one uninvolved businessman who did not like the new preacher's style of leadership.

When the time for election of church board members arrived, there was no clear indication as to what the results would be. Glen prayed and waited without compromising the direction he was convinced the Lord had given him for this congregation.

Without campaigning, without manipulation on Glen's part, miraculously the mood of the congregation changed. In the election the "old guard" was replaced, and one younger leader repented of his rebellious attitude. The new board became more responsive to Glen's leadership.

While many church conflicts are not resolved in this manner, this one was, in part, because the leader had a clear sense of who he was. His identity did not shift in the midst of resistance to his sense of purpose.

Leaders who are effective have a healthy sense of individuality. An effective leader is one who has a clear sense of identity as a person because he has an intimate relationship with his heavenly Father. The Lord Jesus embodied healthy individuality throughout his entire ministry. If we want to lead the way the Lord wants us to, we need to embrace this important principle of leadership. Knowing who we are will bring a fresh release and responsibility to our ministries, causing people to appreciate us much more as leaders and allowing us to move forward in the area of responsibility God has given us.

As we look at Jesus as a leader, we can learn some very significant things. First of all, in His anointing and in His lordship, Jesus is not only the Christ, he is also man - a person.

In John 13:1 , we read that Jesus knew that the hour of giving Himself as a sacrifice for the world had come. It was the primary purpose for which He came, and now He was leaving His disciples and a phase of His ministry was ending. He was going to face the most difficult task that any human being has ever faced. He knew He had come from God and could deal with what was coming up, even though a little while later He would be agonizing in the Garden in a very human way, pleading, "Do I have to go through with this? Is there some other way?"

Jesus was a vessel - the earthen humanity through which God Himself worked to demonstrate that we, also, can walk as He walked. And as leaders, we also can lead as He led.

Love, our motivation

Love needs to be our primary motivation in leadership. We need to love unconditionally, as Jesus did. Jesus loved His disciples through it all, "having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end" (John 13:1). He didn't just love them through a certain period of time of His ministry, but he loved them to the fullest extent right up until the time He would depart from this world. When this concept is translated to Swahili, I am told it describes a picture of the horizon. Jesus loved His disciples, "unto the horizon." When one looks to the horizon, that apparent junction of earth and sky, it extends on and on. And so we get the idea that Jesus loved to the fullest extent - without end.

In this context of loving them, He demonstrated His healthy sense of individuality by revealing three important things about Himself: He showed He knew His purpose, He knew His identity, and He knew His roots.

"And during supper, the devil having already put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God, and was going back to God, rose from supper; and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He girded Himself about. Then He poured water into the basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet" (John 13:2-5, emphasis mine).

Jesus knew His purpose

Jesus clearly knew His purpose. Verse three says Jesus knew the Father had "given all things into His hands." The Father had entrusted Him with responsibilities. Everything that He needed was there at His disposal from the Father. He understood what His role was. He knew what His relationship with His Father was in reference to what He had been given. He didn't grasp His role. It was given to Him by the Father - a stewardship for which He needed to care.

Jesus knew His identity and His roots

In verse three, we see that Jesus knew, "He had come forth from God." He knew His source, reservoir and identity was rooted in God Himself. He was God, but He knew He, as a person, Jesus, had come from God. He was sent from somewhere. He was not merely doing something that He wanted to do; He had a commission. He was an ambassador (sent out). He was not a floating, itinerant minister with no roots and no relationships - He was "covered back home." He had come from God.

Jesus knew where He was going

Jesus knew He was "going back to God" according to verse three. He knew where He had come from - His identity, His roots. Now He was going home. People in the world need to know their roots and where they are going. Human beings still need to know the answer to life's questions: "Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going?" Jesus knew the answers to those questions, and those answers came out of an intimate relationship with His heavenly Father. He knew who He was because of that intimate, close, personal relationship with His Father that was sustained by daily prayer and listening to His Father's will.

Since we cannot cut ourselves off entirely from our past, we cannot ignore our roots, or take them lightly. We need to look honestly at every part of our experience - even those painful ones - and face who we are. We should never deny where we came from or despise our roots. To do so would be foolish. We need to acknowledge where we came from, accept it for what it is, and build and grow from it.

Of course, a plant is not just roots. It develops all the way to fruit. Jesus knew His past and where He was going - He was going back to God. We, too, need this same appreciation and understanding of our past, because it gives us hope for the future.

While on earth, Jesus identified with  what it is like to be one of us. And now, we can identify with what it is like to lead as He led, by His example.

Ask the hard questions

If we, as leaders, are grappling with understanding our past or where we are going, it is critical to seek the Lord's guidance and the help of brothers and sisters in answering those questions. When those answers are not clear to us, we cannot lead with clarity and decisiveness. Instead, we impose our problems on those whom we are responsible to lead.

Ervan had been a pastor for several years when the issues in his life began to surface, not only in the home, but also in the congregation. Attendance was declining, administration was unclear, and people were frustrated with several unsuccessful "new directions" over the last five years.

Ervan seemed to ride the fence on issues, not wanting to offend people who may disagree or who may reject him. His fear of rejection emerged whenever a controversial issue arose.

While the people loved their pastor as a person, some of them became increasingly frustrated with his leadership. The confusion,  the vacillation, and the unresolved fears within him spilled over into the persona of the congregation.

During times of change and transition, things can get rather foggy and confusing. Especially during those times, we need to depend fully on God's grace to again define who we are, where we came from, and where we are going. It is important that we keep considering those questions because they are foundational to our ability to lead God's people.

Tom and his wife sat across the living room from me as we began to sort through the changes and resulting transition in his life. He was struggling with who he was after several years as a successful university football coach. As a coach, he had been energized by all the things to be done every week and month of the year to keep a successful program growing. Now that he had laid down the coaching position, he was experiencing an alarming sense of emptiness, worthlessness, and confusion.

In short, his identity had become so associated with his role as coach that he had "lost himself in the process. Now the Lord led him into a season where his identity would be more shaped by "being" than by "doing." He was faced with the question, "Who am I?"

Healthy individuality 

As we have learned, Jesus had a clear definition of Himself. He also had clear direction of where He was going and what He was doing. This is foundational to the principle of healthy individuality. A healthy individual has a sense of who he is and where he is going. Therefore, that person can lead and influence others effectively. It causes a chain reaction within the group being led to also know who they are and where they are going.

It all comes back to leadership. Leadership is a precious gift. It is the influence that moves a group from where it is to where it must go. The countries that have good leadership can handle their problems effectively. Countries that have weak leadership (self-oriented and politically-based in motivation), struggle in terms of their moral fiber and capacity to solve their problems.

Leadership is dealing with problems

When we sign up for leadership, we sign up to deal with problems. Leadership is not merely an honorary position. Much of leadership is being involved in the lives of people, complete with problems.

 Willette is a leader who nurtured the local Crisis Pregnancy Center into a respected ministry. She overcame zoning hassles, political intrigue, community misunderstandings, and financial crises because she remained true to her conviction that God had chosen her for this work. She kept her focus intact-on the needs of young women and their families who needed support. Now the phone calls that beckon her are from the directors of other Crisis Pregnancy Centers who seek her counsel on problem areas in their ministries. She has become a leader among leaders.

To solve problems, one must have a measure of decisiveness. Our ability to be decisive is linked to the clarity of our identity.

Leadership is a precious gift

Whatever the realm of society and the number of people we lead, we cannot escape realizing how precious leadership is in the midst of those people. Whether it be in a family, an extended family, a congregation, a community, or a nation-the gift of leadership is very precious to that group. As leaders, we must realize the investment people and God are making in us as leaders. We are a special gift, and how we function determines the extent to which our leadership is released to bless that group.

Leadership is a spiritual reality

The leadership that we exercise is a mystery, a spiritual substance. It is one thing to be called a leader and to be in the position of leader, it is another thing to actually exude and exercise leadership. Leadership is that precious, fragrant ointment that graces a group and enables ministry to happen in a constructive way.

In one instance, I consulted with a congregation and their leadership team. The leadership was endeavoring to work as a team, but the situation was frustrating. Each leader, in his own right, was excellent in character and a good leader, but somehow the mix of the group did not produce leadership. We had leaders, but we did not have the flow of unified leadership.

  Leadership is a precious, spiritual reality that comes from those  who know who they are and the direction they are going. When there is confusion about those two things, then the grace, fragrance, anointing and impact of leadership wanes. Leadership is a stewardship of something God has given to us in our hands. We need to exercise it out of a healthy sense of individuality.

Leadership has a clear purpose

When Jesus washed His disciples' feet, He knew what He was doing when He took that towel and girded Himself. He knew the direction He was going when He picked up that basin. He knew who He was when He washed those feet. He did not wash the disciples' feet because nobody else had done it yet. He had a clear purpose in mind, and it did not embarrass Him at all to do something that was not customarily His role in the situation.

 We recognize that Jesus knew where He was coming from and knew where He was going. We also may be confident in our leadership because we are clear in our identity and direction. This is not to say we should be autocratic, dogmatic, bullheaded, or insensitive. Rather, we need to know who we are from an intimate relationship with God. Then we will have a sense of purpose because we have heard His voice speaking to our hearts.

A leader's role

Jesus knew who He was, so He could fulfill any role. He could wash feet or preach a sermon to 5000 people and give them a picnic lunch. He knew who He was, the direction He was going, and why He was doing what He was doing. His leadership role did not limit Him to any particular image of Himself as to what leaders do and what leaders do not do.

I once served on a commission of a denomination with representatives from throughout North America. At our first meeting located in a hotel near a large metropolitan airport, I was caught up with the importance of being appointed to the commission.

The Chair of the commission was well-educated, highly respected, and a skillful moderator. I was aware of his merits. I was about to be challenged by the measure of his Christ-likeness. While the members sat around the table waiting to make important decisions, he rose from his chair, took a pitcher of ice water in hand, and began going around the table filling a glass for each of us.

 Like Jesus, our leader had a clear sense of identity and took upon himself a task of serving. His identity as a leader was not subject to the task he was doing; to the contrary, he was free to do any task, if necessary. The imprint of his humility has been branded upon my heart since that day.

 We need to break down the deception that has controlled our minds into thinking that somehow, as leaders, we have a privileged few things we do and other people do the rest. We need to do whatever needs to be done, based on a clear sense of direction and identity.

  When Jesus washed the disciples' feet, Peter told Jesus that He should not be doing it. Jesus reflects on Peter's statement in John 13:13-14,

 "You call me Teacher and Lord; and you are right, for so I am. If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. "
 

 Notice Jesus did not cease to be a teacher and master while He washed their feet. He did what He did and retained His role as teacher and as master, even as He reasoned with Peter. When Peter said, "Never shall You wash my feet," Jesus said, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me" (verse 8). Jesus was teaching Peter something important - if I do not do this, you are not identified with Me; that is, you are not a companion in fellowship with Me.

 Healthy leaders deliberately lead, but with humility

 Often we have interpreted this passage of Scripture into terms of servanthood that are divorced from the Biblical sense of the words. As a result, we promote a mild style of leadership that makes a leader a target for every person who disagrees with him. If we believe leaders are supposed to be nice people who never create waves, when someone disagrees with us, we will think, "I'll just do whatever they want me to do." That is not healthy.

 Jesus did not say, "Okay, Peter, if you do not want me to wash your feet, I will not because I am just a servant." That view of being a servant has covered over much truth in this passage of Scripture. Jesus deliberately took the role of a servant because He knew who He was and maintained His sense of leadership as He served. He served by leading; He led by serving. He did not cease to be the leader when He served.

 When we serve, we are still leading. When we lead, we are serving. We do not cease to lead when we serve. Jesus did not let peter argue Him out of what He was doing. He did not let Peter's limited understanding distract Him from following through with the direction He had chosen-to wash the disciples' feet.

 I witnessed a healthy example of a servant-leader at a mountain retreat. Our group was the first to arrive at the campsite that season, and some quick work was needed around the camp in order to get it ready for the rest of the folks soon to be arriving. As I walked around the comer of the building, there was our leader, Alvin, carrying a big log on his shoulder for the fire. He was the leader and was the first to serve. He knew the direction to take and knew what he was doing. He was getting this campsite ready physically in anticipation for what the Lord would do there spiritually.

 That is the role of a true leader. To serve does not mean that you lay down your identity as the leader in the situation. To do so may result in anarchy or confusion within the group. While we as leaders do any active service, we are still leaders. Jesus taught Peter about what it meant to be clean, what it meant to be a part of Him and why that identity with Him is so important-even as He washed Peter's feet.

Dealing with reactions to our leadership

Notice Jesus was not moved by the reaction of Peter when Peter did not understand the direction that Jesus had taken. Sometimes, when we begin to take people in a new direction, they will

 react to it. Some will see the vision with us and want to go along.  Other people will not be too sure about it, while others' defenses go up. Still others may react in ways that undermine the direction we are taking in hopes that things can stay the same.

 The goal of a healthy leader is to not be moved by those reactions. The goal is to remain calm and at peace because we know who we are and that we are doing what God has spoken to us. As we remain calm, the impact of what God has given us to do can begin to work and establish itself until people, themselves, realize more fully the purpose of God in the situation.

 Notice that Jesus was not detracted, rebuffed, or personally shaken through this interaction with Peter. He still knew that He was the Teacher and Master. Jesus dealt with Peter's reaction and it did not detract Him from knowing who He was and the direction He was taking. One of the tests of leadership is how we respond when people react to our leadership.

 As leaders, do we cave in, get upset, angry, or blow up when people react to our leadership? Do we run away and hide? Or do we remain calm and peaceful because we know who we are and we know the direction we are taking?

 We must not depend upon people liking us in order to know who we are and to feel good about God's calling on our lives. If we are subject to the reactions of those we lead, we will not lead well. We will not enjoy our leadership responsibility very much either.

How our relationship with our parents can affect our relationship with God

 It is quite commonly understood that our relationship with our biological or adoptive parents has a lot to do with our understanding of God. It shapes our concept of fathering and mothering.

 The concept we have of a person-how we understand that person, what we know about them, what we believe about them-determines the kind of relationship we have with that person. So too, the concept we have of God shapes our relationship with Him. It is important to have a good perspective, interpretation, and understanding of our relationship with our earthly fathers. The goal ultimately is, even if we cannot positively resolve difficulties in relationships with our parents, that we have a personal, intimate relationship with the one Father of us all, God Himself. That is what Jesus had, and that was the foundation of His healthy approach to leadership.

 As much as lies within us, we need to work constructively at relationships with our parents in order to relate to them in forgiveness and honor. Ephesians 6:2-3 commands, "Honor your father and mother . . . that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." Whether our parents did a great parenting job or not-how we relate to our parents is an expression of how we relate to the principle of authority.

 Often the degree to which things go well in our lives is the degree to which we are honoring our parents. The degree to which things do not go well in a person's life may, typically, be traced back to some difficulty in honoring one's parents. Sometimes when the path has been rough and rugged between parents and children, people may experience tragedy and trouble after trouble in their lives. In such cases, it is essential to look at the principle of honoring one's parents and be scrupulous in finding every way possible to more fully honor them, living or deceased. We are to honor our parents as long as we live. Jesus honored His Father, and we also have His grace to honor our parents.

 A healthy relationship with the Lord

Jesus prayed in John 17 that the same love which He shared with the Father would be in us. Think of that! The same kind of healthy love relationship that the Father and Son share, that is what Jesus prayed we would have with the Father. We can have the same affirming, intimate, blessed, affectionate relationship with the Father as Jesus did. As leaders, we need to let our love pour out to Him. We need to embrace that intimacy in our time with Him.

 Jesus knew who He was. He had a purpose, and He did not react to the reactions of others. This is the principle of healthy individuality. If we can get this truth embedded in our frame of mind, it will guide us in solving specific dilemmas. It will aid us in solving problems, and it will enable us to handle the reactions that invariably will come. It will allow us to be one step ahead, to have the alertness we need to know how to handle a situation.      

 The religious leaders of His day, the Pharisees and Sadducees, threw many accusations at Jesus. But He was not afraid to acknowledge, "I am the Son of God." That is healthy, not prideful. When you are being buffeted with all kinds of accusations, you need to be able to say, "I know who I am. I will not be shaken by these accusations." When you are tempted with evil, you need to be able to say, "This is who I am. I do not do those things."

 Remember who you are

  Several years ago, I desperately prayed regularly that I would increase in a particular fruit of the Spirit. During that period of time when I failed to show that fruit of the Spirit in various situations, the Holy Spirit would whisper in my mind and my heart, "Remember who you are." There was no condemnation from Him, just a reminder, "Remember who you are." And that began helping me to overcome. Soon it got to the point when I was tempted to respond negatively, before I could act, I could hear His voice saying to me, "Remember who you are." With that grace and strength, I could avoid doing the thing I was committed to avoiding. You see, it is who we are in a relationship with the Heavenly Father that counts. And when we know that, we do not have to react or get upset by the reactions of others.

 Jesus was totally misunderstood. And even to this day, with His name being used in vain millions of times every day, He is interceding. He does not think, "Oh, these people do not understand that I am God." That would be ridiculous and unimaginable. How can the most compassionate Person in the universe, the most sensitive, delicate Person not be offended when millions of people every day are treating Him with disrespect and disregard? We now know-He knows who He is-He does not have to get upset.

 We know the One who knows who He is. As we fellowship with Him, worship the Father, and dwell in the intimacy of His presence, we become like Him.

Being with Jesus determines who we are

 Again notice, Jesus' identity as an individual is directly linked to His relationship with Someone else-His Father. Our identity is directly linked with being with Someone. When we are spending time with Jesus, talking to Him, declaring His words, we will know who we are. Our identity is in Jesus. Jesus came to show us the Father so our identity may be established by the Father also.

 Notice the act of service Jesus did in washing the disciples' feet is reminiscent of His greater purpose as described in Philippians 2:5-8. It is just a little picture of the bigger picture. As you read this, picture in your mind Jesus taking the towel and the basin and washing the disciples' feet. Then, picture in your mind a heavenly realm where Jesus lays down His garments and picks up the tools of service.

 Jesus knew who He was. He was not grasping to be God. God had given Him something to do, so He laid aside His garments just as He did in washing the disciples' feet. He took upon Himself the limitations and the role of a servant and carried out the task of sacrificially giving Himself. He knew who He was and was safe and secure that His Father would be there, on the other side of death, to raise Him up again.

 Qualified as a leader

  Because Jesus sacrificially gave Himself for all mankind, He was qualified to be given authority over all mankind (Philippians 2:9-11). As leaders, our sacrificial love will give life to people. A husband will give life to his wife. Parents will give life to their children. Teachers will give life to their students, cell leaders to their cells, elders to their church body, and department leaders will give life, direction and encouragement to their department. People seek life. They are drawn to where the life is.  

 People are looking for love; God is love. Every pre-Christian and Christian is looking for life through an intimate relationship with God their Father, although some may look in wrong places.   

 People will be led to life if we as leaders are in an intimate relationship with the Father Himself, particularly when we know who we are and the direction we are going without reacting when others react to us. This enduring principle of becoming a healthy individual will accomplish more in our leadership and ministry than the latest seminar on the techniques of someone else.    

 If we know who we are and the direction we are going, we can profit from the techniques of others. But if we do not know who we are and the direction we are going, we will bow down to the idol of another's techniques. To do so is to grasp for something that is not integral to us. The result may be more confusion because the technique does not arise from an established identity of the one who is leading.

  Do not try to be someone else

 Each person has a certain identity as a leader-our personality contributes to that, the kind of leadership gifts we have, the calling of God on our lives, the way we relate to authority, the way we have been parented, the way we may parent-everything goes into making up our style of influencing and leading other people. This unique blend, that comprises us, is stored deep within us, most of it unconscious.

 Sometimes, however, leaders hear about someone who is an effective leader so they read his book, go to her seminar, watch how she does it, or visit his church. Although it does not hurt to observe another's leadership style, we are denying what is really in our inner being if we try to copy another's style. It is like mentally putting on Saul's armor instead of being a David (ourselves)-the way God called us.

 Kurt and Bobbie started a fellowship in their home, reaching hurting people in an informal ministry style. Over the years, their "Morn and Pop" approach nurtured many folks to wholeness. As a more formal congregation emerged and grew, a team of mature leaders was developed. These dedicated team members worked alongside Kurt and Bobbie, taking full ownership of the vision.

 More sophisticated organization was introduced by younger leaders. Kurt inspired the team with the ideas for growth he gleaned from seminars, videos, books and speakers. A team approach to decision-making was promoted.

 But when crises arose, Kurt and Bobbie would consistently consult with each other and make decisions since it was convenient and they cared deeply. There were several instances when "Morn and Pop" violated the understanding the team had as to how decisions were to be made.

 Gradually, the couples on the team became disillusioned and resigned from leadership. As they viewed it, leaders they loved deeply as persons lacked the integrity to make decisions the way they had taught the team to do. As Kurt and Bobbie returned to the real leadership style in their hearts, the congregation recovered and began to meet the needs of folk as it had in the formative years of the ministry.

 We may try to "put on" somebody else's techniques, seminars and concepts, and believe in these things with our minds, but when we are in a crisis we typically respond in the natural style, within our own identity. When the pressure is on, we most often revert to our own innate style and lead "our" way. As a result, we develop an integrity problem. We have conformed to someone else's pattern outwardly, and trained the leaders around us accordingly, but then we reverted back to our own style. To do so violates the very thing we have taught the leaders we are equipping. Typically, the havoc created in these situations may disillusion and dismantle an entire generation of leaders within the organization.

 As leaders who know that our identity is shaped out of our own relationship with God, we will be able to carry through and maintain this posture even in a crisis. Under pressure or under resistance, we will be the same person. The consistency and integrity of such leadership will bring security and maintain clear direction for those being led.

 Summary

 Let us focus on what we have established so far. Jesus had foundation of an affectionate, affirming relationship with His heavenly Father. Therefore, He was a healthy individual. The foundation for each one of us to be a healthy person is having a personal, intimate relationship with our heavenly Father.

As the body of Christ, we can truly help one another grow up in Christ by building that intimate relationship with our Father. The happier we are as individuals, the better we can relate to other people. Paul confirms this in Philippians 2:1 -5,

 "If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus. "

The person who has difficulty putting the interest of others ahead of his own, or who has difficulty forming a common purpose with others, is someone who is wrapped up in himself and confused about his own identity. A healthy individual gives to others rather than constantly drawing from them. When we are healthy individuals, we help to form healthy marriages, families, congregations, ministries, businesses, communities, and nations.

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